Name:Maven
[b]Nickname:none
[b]Alias: none
Home world Na-boo
[b]Looks Like Mace Windu but has hair
Age: 15
Gender: male
Species:Human
Eyes color: brown
Hair color: black
Facial features: none
Skin tone: dark
Height: 5'11
Weight:165
Build: MUSCULAR
Tattoos:none
Body art:none
Scars: i have a scar over my eye just like an-akin left to be exact
Piercings:
Appearance: Tall muscular man
Clothes: Jedi clothing dark robe like anakin sky walker a white belt where my future light saber hangs from. white boots and a neklace that says for the rebublic on it
Personal Details
Personality: Maven is a nice young man who loves to learn more of the force. He is an eager young fellow; he likes talking to his friends at the temple and training with the masters of the Jedi order. He will do anything do anything to try and please them. But make him mad he can be a dangerous person. The only thing that really makes him mad is disrespect to him and to the Jedi order, when someone talks too much when they really don't know squat, and the most important thing he hates in the whole galaxy is the Sith. He will do anything to kill the Sith. They are nothing but beast that all want power and kill innocent people and harm them. If he ever gets his hands on one of those sith he will kill them on contact.
Force Sensitive: yes
Faction: Rank: Jedi Padawan
Strengths: Training
Weakness/Flaws: Losing
Other Information:
Languages:
History: Bio: Maven was 3 years when his father died his father was a Jedi who had served for the republic but one day the council sent him on a mission to the outer rim to discover some information about the sith who had been gone for a while. But he and his crew were corrupted and his father turned to the dark side. When the council found out what happen they sent some Jedi to destroy him. Maven’s mother was left to raise maven but she got very ill and before she died one a Jedi came to their house he was a good friend of maven’s father before he turned to the dark side and he promised maven mother that he will take and train him to become a Jedi. Then Mavens mother had died and maven was 4 when he left to train as a Jedi. During his training as a youngling maven was one of the most powerful younglings in the order the masters of the order said that maven may be the next chosen one, he was well skilled and a good knowledge of the force his midi chlorian count was equal to that of obi wan. During his training maven also like to talk to his fellow student’s masters and friends. Maven then took the trials to become a padawan he pass the test no problem. He is now a padawan and is waiting for a master to train him so he can learn more of the force.
Fall to the dark side: Maven was 3 years when his father died his father was a jedi who had served for the rebublic but one day the council sent him on a mission to the outer rim to discover some information about the sith who had been gone for a while. but he and his crew was corrupted and his father turned to the darkside. when the council found out what happen they sent some jedi to destryoy him. Mavens mother was left to raise maven but she got very ill and before she died one a jedi came to there house he was a good friend of mavens father before he turned to the darkside and he promised maven mother that he will take and train him to become a jedi. then Mavens mother had died and mavens was 4 when he left to train as a jedi. Maven was soon taken to the temple to begin training he was being trained by Jedi Master Vax Kote. One day Maven decided that he wanted more power. And he soon began that he started a hate of Jedi and Maven vowed that he would destroy all of the jedi. Maven Left Corescaunt to begin his training with the sith to Be more powerful than any jedi ever and once he was ready that he would desstroy all of the jedi startin with his former master Vax Kote
(Three Paragraphs minimum(400 or so words)
Items Vibroblade until given light saber
Force Powers: None yet
Weapons:Vibroblade until given light saber
Ship:none yet
Vehicle:
Use able By: Maven
Kell Rellim
You need Personality and History, and your rank is Jedi Padawan. And perhaps explanation on weakness? Do you mean fear of death, cause that could be a pretty hard to overcome weakness later on.
Lord Walker
I'm going to go ahead and offer my two cents here as well. The number one thing I'll ask for is more detail throughout much of your application.
First off, please use proper grammar, spelling, and punctuation. It shows a higher level of dedication to work, makes it easier to read, and makes you look like a relatively intelligent human. Not to say that you aren't one, but proper writing skills leave that impression.
Also, you aren't writing this as your character. You are writing this about your character, so change the I's to He's. Or some other equally appropriate identifier.
I don't really have a problem with too much until we hit appearance and clothing. In appearance, make this as descriptive as you can. Tell us everything about your character's physical being. How tall, how muscular, does he have any odd wrinkles, what's his hair styled like? Give us details, because this will determine what other characters see when they interact with you.
When you get to clothing, be more specific than just "jedi clothing". Jedi wear a lot of stuff, largely dependent on the era and location they come from. So be descriptive and tell us, in detail, about the wardrobe. This is just as important as your character's appearance.
Go into better description on the strengths and weaknesses, especially since you picked such odd ones. What makes him good at training? Is he naturally gifted, or perhaps just a quick learner? What makes losing his weakness? Is he a sore loser, or does he fear losing something? Don't be vague here.
Your personality is really where the lack of punctuation becomes apparent. Go back and fix this. What you've given us is a generic, description that fits a lifeless droid. Go and give him a few personality quirks, maybe add a sense of humor or adventure that gets him into troublesome situations. Flesh your character out and make him seem real.
Your bio is also short and rather vague. Go in and give us some more, at least two or three well written paragraphs more. Flesh out his youth and his training as a youngling. Who was this family friend? Did Maven ever see them again? Did Maven make any friends at the temple? If so, then tell us about an adventure or lesson that they shared. If not, then what did he do in his spare time?
On a minor note: items are generally where any non-weapon belongings would be listed.
Okay, I think I've given you enough to work with for now. If you need help or have any questions, feel free to PM me.
Lord Zorrix
ok it is good so far but you still need one more paragraph for you bio. Also you needed to give more detail in you apearence at least a paragraph. Just saying that you are a tall muscular man is not enough. Finally you still needed to work on your strengths and weakness. If you do everything that walker asked you to do then your character will be aproved.
