Posted: Mon Sep 15, 2008 11:24 am Post subject: Cameron Krill
Name: Cameron Krill
Nickname: Cam or Krill
Alias: Serean Shepard
Home world: Ossus
Looks: Very handsome person with a face anyone will trust, and always dresses nice while not attending Jedi duties.
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Species: Human
Eyes color: Blue
Hair color: Sandy Blonde
Facial features: Clean Shaven
Skin tone: Tan
Height: 6’2
Weight: 220 lbs
Build: Athletic
Tattoos: N/A
Body art: N/A
Scars: Small scar on right arm from blaster fire.
Piercings: N/A
Appearance: Dresses in standard Jedi robes, athletic build, clean shaven with a face most people will trust, and short hair cut (See avatar for a visual)
Clothes: Has Jedi robes, but for now wears common wealth clothing to blend in to surroundings.
Personal Details: Doesn’t seek revenge the those that murdered his friends and family, he just wants them brought to justice.
Personality: Kind, wise, not easily provoked. Very strong minded. Will attempt to talk out of any conflict as he doesn't like to fight.
Force Sensitive: Yes
Faction: Jedi Rank: Padawan/ as to tie into my background.
Strengths: Level headed, can talk out of any conflict, and very good at diplomatic situations.
Weakness/Flaws: At times to over confident, and too sensitive to others.
Other Information: Very skilled at working through any problem and very mature for his age.
Languages: Basic, Roidian, Huttese, Wookiee, and can understand some astromech droids.
History: Cameron Krill was born on Ossus born to Jedi parents and started training as an apprentice. He went on several missions with his master then alone as he became more experienced. He has freed important prisoners, such as diplomats, other Jedi, and even mercs.
Krill's master set forth an order that would allow him to take the trials and become a Jedi Knight as his master knew he would be an excellent addition to the Jedi ranks. Then three days before the planned event was to take place and at the age of 18, Ossus was attacked and Krill's parents made him flee the planet as they knew the traning camp was going to be destroyed. Krill didn't want to leave cause he knew deep down that we would never see his parents or even his master again. Krill set off fighting several sith warriors killing just a few but the reenforcements kept coming in strong waves. Then enemy ships filled the sky and started deploying bombers and they began bombing the Jedi temple and training centers. Krill found his master already dead as well as some of the master trainers, Krill then found his mother kneeled next to her dead husband. Krill walks up and kneels as well, she looks at him and tells him to leave now before he shares the same fate. Krill kissed his mother on the forehead and squeezed his fathers dead cold hand and stood up and bowed to the both of them and headed for his fighter.
Krill took flight in his X-Wing and went into hidding out of fear of being killed by the sith. Krill returned to Ossus mothns later to see that they were correct, the training enclave was completly destroyed. So Krill sets off again to the Main Jedi Temple, how ever his X-Wing has been damaged and hyperspace travel is impossible, so he had to land on countless worlds doing odd jobs for credits and minor repairs to his ship as well as food. After nearly a decade Cameron arrives at the Jedi Temple
Items: Double bladed blue lighsaber that disconnects to form two single handed lightsabers, binos, com-link and breathing device.
Force Powers: (All accept for Control Breathing are currently Weak. Control Breathing is Moderate.)
BODY:
Control Breathing: Can hold breath for long periods of time.
HEALING:
Force healing. Has the ability to heal self
MIND:
Affect Mind: The power of suggestion.
Telepathy: Communicate telepathically. Cannot transmit exact words, only feelings and strong suggestions.
SENSE
Force Armor: Increases your defense against Force-based attacks.
Farseeing: See the future, hours and days.
Sense Life: Can detect the presence of people around you.
TELEKINESIS:
Burst of Speed: Twice as fast for 30-45 seconds.
Force Leap: You can jump or fall from a 10 meter range
Weapons: Double bladed blue lighsaber that disconnects to form two single handed lightsabers
Ship: X-Wing fighter (The Star Cutter)
Vehicle: N/A
Use able By: Myself unless given permission by me if I’m away. _________________ The sith must be stopped or else all is lost.
Last edited by Cameron Krill on Fri Sep 19, 2008 12:45 am; edited 5 times in total
Okay, even though this isn't in the proper format, I'll still offer my best advice on editing it.
1. Your appearance and personality both need more description. I'm pretty sure you can describe your own appearance in more than two words. Do the same for your character. Not everyone expects it, but a paragraph of detail in each of those sections is about what you should aim for.
2. If you're an Adept, you're a bit old, secondly, you have way to many Force Powers.
3. Several Force Powers you've listed are either wrongly described, or they don't exist.
Control Breathing: I assume you mean breath control. This ability allows a jedi to go without breathing for long periods of time. There is no ability that allows you to breath in any environment.
Create Light: This would be Force Blinding
Mental Translocation: I'm not sure what you mean by this, since I've never heard of such a power in all my years as a Star Wars RPer. The closest I could find to it would be Force Sight or Farseeing.
Not such a big issue, it's Force Defend, not Force Defense. This ability is also known as Force Armor.
Sense Life and See Force are most likely going to be abilities gained with the Force Sense technique. Granted, sense life has it's own reference page, but it mentions it being a sense based power.
4. Your bio should be at least three paragraphs. However, I should point out something that doesn't quite make sense. You mention that Cameron was trained as an apprentice but unable to take the trials do to an attack. This would make his official rank a padawan, not an adept. _________________
However, I should point out something that doesn't quite make sense. You mention that Cameron was trained as an apprentice but unable to take the trials do to an attack. This would make his official rank a padawan, not an adept.---Lord Walker
the reason I put an adept and not a padawan is due to the attack i never completed my training, and wasn't trained for nearly a decade. so i didn't wanna come on this site and place me as a padawan, I didn't wanna step on any toes.
I have deleted the powers that offends people, and as far as the background I don't really see a problem with it. As it sums it up qucikly. (My background will be part of the investigation story line, if and when I'm accepted to the Jedi) <And please note I'm not trying to destroy the Jedi, I'm on several other sites and all I play is a sith so I came here to make a change. My character is very conflicted by his feelings since the death of his family and friends.> _________________ The sith must be stopped or else all is lost.
Could you add a few more details to the history? After all, the requirement is 3 paragraphs. _________________
Kell Rellim 'I am capable of keeping my mouth shut, I just don't want to.'
If his character wasn't 28 years old, I'd accept that. However, any 28 year old I talk to could me 9-12 sentences of back story about themselves without any trouble.
If his character was younger, I'd slack up on that. _________________
Ok. I just made a character that 128yrs old and I just finished his outline. I finished his profile outline, not his story.
and his rank is FS so he has no idea what would be allowed. What would conflict with forum canon, etc. A FS Jedi isn't the same as a FS Bounty Hunter, a FS Jedi is stuck at the Temple running errands.
Easy everyone lets not fight here out of all the sites I've been on people fight and bicker with each other its pretty annoying, and sometimes it ruins the sites to where either nobody logs on or people delete their characters. I fixed what you asked about the background, the force powers. ya'll know I plan to be a Jedi, what ever I didn't list means either I don't have it, or not affilliated with it.
and for people's info I have been doing this for over 10 years not counting starting this when computers weren't big yet, but with the books and dice like the old D&D days. So I do know how things work. I'm an admin on 5 out of 9 different sites I'm on so I do know things.
I really hope this matter is closed and we can get on with more better things like the reason we all are here RP's
Thank you. _________________ The sith must be stopped or else all is lost.
lol nice speech, but you still need to fix the format of your character... Oh wait, I'm not an admin anymore. So, I advise you fix it! _________________
Kell Rellim 'I am capable of keeping my mouth shut, I just don't want to.'
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